After that argument last night my dad was telling me this morning that he doesn't want this kind of fighting to happen and I reminded him that I have done nothing more than to please and make her more comfortable with the house and the family. I think that she is assuming that now that my Bacia has died, this means she will not need to communicate with the rest of the family. It's like a get out of jail free card. Well anyway, this morning he told me to apologize to her, but when I apologized I never really got a response. SHe talked to me while she walks away or tries to dodge the subject. 
 
With my new psychological education I am just leaning away from doing things with her of striking conversation. When I am in Chicago I am going to hand with my mom and our extended family. Even though I love my dad and want to be with him during this time, I simply cannot stand his new wife. I can't wait to start to really study this stuff and get into people's heads and pick around what they are thinking and how they're reacting. 
 
I am at my mom's right now waiting to drop her off at the airport to make her early flight to Chicago. All of the rest of us leave tomorrow morning on an early flight into Midway, Chicago. I finally found a rental car, they were almost all booked. 
 
I am having some suicidal thoughts. I just get through each one as best as possible. Sometimes I have to tap into my xanax. It's alright though to take some of the xanax. I think during this trip to Chicago is going to cost me a lot of benzos. 
 
I'm really anxious about traveling there because I want to drive while I am there. I hate to ride in the car and get nauseous and dizzy going from Chicago to Wisconsin. I am going to ask dad when I get home because I think that might relieve some on my anxious.
 
Goodnight moon.