My birthday is creeping closer and closer. With it I am experiencing some added depression and disconnect form the world a feeling of floating around. This is something that I have not felt before. Or have not noticed before. I can imagine that people could get depressed around their birthday. I have no friends here, just family. And even they wont celebrate my birthday together, I have to do it separately. I really want to go to a wine tasting with my dad but I know that Chi does not drink and I don't want her to be left out of the picture. I don't know why I care so much about keeping her in the picture, I know that she probably wouldn't do that for me. I remember for my 18th birthday my dad was in Vietnam and my mom threw me an elaborate surprise party at a rather expensive restaurant in Crested Butte. All of my friends, both young and old, were there to celebrate. I miss having that support system. My class all pitched in an bought me my first Nixon watch. Maybe I'll but a new one of those for myself for my birthday. My mom is going to Chicago next week and I want to go with her but neither her nor I want to pay for the airline ticket. I was thinking about asking dad for that as my birthday, but I just can't get myself to do that. I had to call him today because he didn't write me a check for my allowance. I feel badly because I depend on that money and I know he gives it to me as a privilege. 
 
Ok. I gotta go. 
Goodnight moon.