It's Halloween again. I am at the museum volunteering. I am wearing scrubs as a Halloween costume. Mainly I chose this because scrubs are extremely comfortable. After I am done at the museum I am off to my moms house after picking up some champagne at the liquor store. I am feeling pretty frustrated about school and money. I don't want to be in debt anymore and I want to be out of school with a degree and move on to a job. My shoulders are so tense lately. I am supposed to do exit polling for the election on Tuesday but I am to anxious socially to do it on my own. So I am going to forge over 40 exit polls to make my fill. I just hope that my professor does not go from precinct to precinct to check up on the students... I explained that I was going to be moving around anyway.
I am supposed to see Dr Park tomorrow morning but I canceled the appointment because I have no motivation to go. Though I do want to start to reduce my medication. It is so difficult to wake up in the morning because of some of these pills.
For some reason it makes me feel bad that Luke is so successful right now. I know I was that way in high school and early college, but what happened? Where did all that life go? It's not in me anymore. I am trying to get back to where I was, but I always end up getting discouraged and then thoughts of suicide establish in my mind and I really feel like acting on them sometimes. I just know that it would kill my family too if I was to take my own life and I don't want to hurt them. But, sometimes the thoughts are so painful that I have to do something. I usually take a xanax but for the most part that doesn't work. And I hate to keep taking drug onto drug onto drug and so on. I have some things to do before I leave the museum so I better let you go.
Oh, but before, Uncle Mike is coming to dinner tonight and I am going to hate that because I just want to eat, drink and watch Halloween movies. I know that he likes to talk and then leaves and then things are just weird, because we have to clean up have the entire situation and I don't want that tonight. I would rather order Chinese food and hunker down in the house.
I went to see Abby and her partner play music at a bar last night and they were great. It was a lot of fun and I got to meet some new people and see some old friends. I need to go out with Abby and her BF more often, I have not seen her in about two years. I love her we are alike in many ways. I miss her being around and acting as a support system for me. We just lost touch. I ordered three drinks, fries, onion rings all for $20 including tip, it was amazing. I think it was because it was kinda at a hole in the wall bar in the suburbs.
Have a fun and safe Halloween.
Goodnight moon.
I am supposed to see Dr Park tomorrow morning but I canceled the appointment because I have no motivation to go. Though I do want to start to reduce my medication. It is so difficult to wake up in the morning because of some of these pills.
For some reason it makes me feel bad that Luke is so successful right now. I know I was that way in high school and early college, but what happened? Where did all that life go? It's not in me anymore. I am trying to get back to where I was, but I always end up getting discouraged and then thoughts of suicide establish in my mind and I really feel like acting on them sometimes. I just know that it would kill my family too if I was to take my own life and I don't want to hurt them. But, sometimes the thoughts are so painful that I have to do something. I usually take a xanax but for the most part that doesn't work. And I hate to keep taking drug onto drug onto drug and so on. I have some things to do before I leave the museum so I better let you go.
Oh, but before, Uncle Mike is coming to dinner tonight and I am going to hate that because I just want to eat, drink and watch Halloween movies. I know that he likes to talk and then leaves and then things are just weird, because we have to clean up have the entire situation and I don't want that tonight. I would rather order Chinese food and hunker down in the house.
I went to see Abby and her partner play music at a bar last night and they were great. It was a lot of fun and I got to meet some new people and see some old friends. I need to go out with Abby and her BF more often, I have not seen her in about two years. I love her we are alike in many ways. I miss her being around and acting as a support system for me. We just lost touch. I ordered three drinks, fries, onion rings all for $20 including tip, it was amazing. I think it was because it was kinda at a hole in the wall bar in the suburbs.
Have a fun and safe Halloween.
Goodnight moon.
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