Tonight Dateline had a topic on the encouragement of suicide from people on the internet. It even explained how some people actually committed suicide on web cam. One kid took a lethal amount of medication and 1200 people watched as he died on the internet. I can see where these people are so hurt that they want to leave this world and I am with them. But, why wold you draw such attention? I feel that a full journal and a personal note to close family will suffice if the time ever comes. I feel so alone and well just simply alone. Life is nothing like it used to be, I want it all back. I don't want to be bipolar and depressed and I hate being alone and nervous all the time. I hate the constant panic attacks. I want someone here with me, someone to save me. I'm restless and agitated. I am mad at both myself and the world. I don't know what to do, who to  talk to or where to go. I need to make an appointment with my psychiatrist, I canceled my last appointment and I need to get with her to establish some new form of relationship. I am scared though, I am frightened because I don't know this new person and i have been so comfortable with Dr. Power that i don't know what to expect from this new person. Is she going to try to rearrange things to try to change me or my out come. To tell you the truth I am somewhat stable with this medication and yet I still have panic attacks and can't sleep and I just can't function properly. I don't want to hurt anymore.
 
Please, if you read this wish me goof luck with my newly appointed psychiatrist.
 
I am going to take a shower and go to bed. I hope everything goes well.
 
Goodnight moon.