So tired
I am trying to work things out for myself, but things just keep popping up. I am out of school for the next few weeks and then I start the fall semester again. I have nothing to do and really no friends here so I end up staying home most days and its depressing. I get really bad at night, so depressed I take so many pills, thinking they may take the pain away but they don't either I throw up or I just wake up still alive. The funny thing is I feel fine the next morning.. no hangover feeling. I am at home now, alone, and Chi should be getting back soon and I think that she wants me to go out, she does not like to see me at home all the time. i don't know if she is doing that in a mean way or in a nurturing manner. I need a job so badly but I cant find one at the moment, I even applied at Starbucks and I haven't heard back from them yet. I left my name with one of the shift leaders because the manager was out at the time so maybe waiting can't hurt. I don't know where else to apply right now. Denver seems to be closed up as far as good jobs go. I love love to have a simple reception job.
Added to that I am so exhausted. I think that it may be my medications but I am not sure at this point. It seems that I am progressively becoming more and more tired during the daytime. At night I have a couple of drinks and that makes me pretty sleepy, but other than that I don't know what could be causing it. I exercise and move my body, but still I see no results.
A girl that I thought was a friend expressed her opinion about bipolar and depressed people, without know that I was one. She said that we take more than we need and that we use excuses for things that we can't or don't want to do. She mentioned that these are not real illnesses and should not be considered for treatment. I think that those people are so ignorant. If this wasn't a serious thing why would there be suicides, why is there medications to treat us and hospital wards to help us? We have an entire institution built around mental illness, if that's fake then someone got away with a great lie. Again, it's not our fault. It is a complex genetic chemical imbalance in our minds that make us do and feel things differently than others. I don't know why after so long I am letting this get to me. But it does because that's is a part of who I am and I should not be judged because of a mental illness that I hold.
Ia m gonna watch a movie.
Goodnight Moon.
Added to that I am so exhausted. I think that it may be my medications but I am not sure at this point. It seems that I am progressively becoming more and more tired during the daytime. At night I have a couple of drinks and that makes me pretty sleepy, but other than that I don't know what could be causing it. I exercise and move my body, but still I see no results.
A girl that I thought was a friend expressed her opinion about bipolar and depressed people, without know that I was one. She said that we take more than we need and that we use excuses for things that we can't or don't want to do. She mentioned that these are not real illnesses and should not be considered for treatment. I think that those people are so ignorant. If this wasn't a serious thing why would there be suicides, why is there medications to treat us and hospital wards to help us? We have an entire institution built around mental illness, if that's fake then someone got away with a great lie. Again, it's not our fault. It is a complex genetic chemical imbalance in our minds that make us do and feel things differently than others. I don't know why after so long I am letting this get to me. But it does because that's is a part of who I am and I should not be judged because of a mental illness that I hold.
Ia m gonna watch a movie.
Goodnight Moon.
Replies