I am beginning to lose it again. I am missing more and more classes and I am losing interest in some of them completely. I am so confused, getting more and more depressed and confused. I smoke pot in the evening for nausea and to battle insomnia. I feel alone, as though someone has hurt me and then left me. 
 
I have been looking into leaving the country and starting over somewhere else. I feel as though I am segregating myself from everyone. Maybe if I were somewhere else life would be better. Maybe there is something different out there, something that I can be apart of, something that I can call my own. I don't want to live and home with my parents anymore I want to be independent again, but, I cant even land a job. If I get this disability check I can try out some new freedoms, mainly pay off my debts. I need to get through that. 
 
I wrecked my moms car a little while ago. To be honest, I think that I was the cause of it, I think that I actually wrecked it. But, I have to recollection of that entire day especially when I used the car. 
 
I can't wait until this Sunday, it is Easter sunday and Dad is taking the family out to a great brunch at the Brown Palace. Its a champaign brunch, so a lot of mimosas! I know I am not going to drive home after that breakfast. 
 
I want to do something great. I want to run for public office and see what happens. Maybe I'll actually be elected to city council or maybe higher after that. 
 
I am just sad, lonely, scared, and I don't know what to do right now.