I don't know what else todo this morning. I should do my homework but I am just sitting in front of my computer trying to think of where I want it to take me. I found myself here. I don't know why I like to write here to complete strangers, yet most of you can relate to me better than most of my family. I want to be stronger I want to rebuild my life. Its falling apart, as I go on more and more things seem to get in my way. Thankfully I have a good support system that helps me get through it, but the scary thing is, is what happens when I loose my family, I have lost my friends because they don't understand the illness and the components that go along with it. I don't blame them... they have seen me in one light for so many years and now I am a completlly different person. I am scared to keep going, and I think that is why I keep having these suicidal ideations. I don't want to do anything this week until we go to Durango. I am so distracted and I can't help but feel smothered by this economy class, macroeconomics is not nearly my strong suit. I am seeking help from the CU tutoring center, however, I don't know if it actually working.