I am so bored stuck in my house. My mom is sleeping and I have nothing to do. I keep watching Donnie Darko and American Psycho and I think of how close I am to these people. I don't want to get as bad as Patrick Bateman, though. I told my mom that I feel uncomfortable driving my car because I may hurt myself and others with a car accident. So now she wont let me drive to the mall or anything. I am just stuck at home watching movies and wring in my journal. I mowed the lawns this morning so that was something that I felt accomplished about. I am still upset that none of my "friends" have contacted me. It s kinda sad. I don't know why I care. I know that they are more business partners than they are friends.  What should I do about school? My transcript is going to have two semesters of incomplete. I can't believe that I have gotten myself into this hole. I hate myself for that. I don't know how to love myself. I have lost trust in myself and I cant see getting it back. But, why does it have t hurt so much? Why is this all happening to me? Why now? Thankfully my parents are helping my out, but what happens when they stop? How am I going to afford all of these medications? This is why it is easier to just leave this world now and get away from my pain.