I wish that it were easier to know that is wrong with me. I feel like it is my fault, as though I have dug my own hole and now I must live with the pain that is associated with it. I never imagined that I would have to go through this. This is not me. I am not this person. I am so confused. What do I do now? No school and no job. I cant live off of my parents forever. I think that maybe I should have stayed longer in the hospital. I still have a great deal of suicidal ideation. I cant just shake it off, it is really there and I don't know what to do with it. I want to get rid of this... any means necessary. I know that I am a burden on my family and I just want to let them be free. If I was to no longer be here there would be no hassle for them and for me. everything would be easier everything would be more euphoric. I don't feel the need to live anymore I have fulfilled myself in life and I don't need to do this anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. I try so hard and nothing changes. Why not? Who have I become?