My dreams are beginning to become outrageous. Last night I dreamt that I poisoned my younger brother and then I killed m self after hiding the entire scene. It is so scary to think think these thoughts and to dream these dreams. I  can't sleep even with the increase in clonaxapam. I am going to ask for a sleeping aide the next time that I see the psychiatrist. I love my brother and  would never hurt him nor anyone else.I keep obsessing that I am going to be pushed out by my mother and I wont have a place to live. Well, my dad is moving to Denver and he is looking for a big house so that he can accommodate guests comfortably, that means me.This is something that I obsess about too.... my resignation from the Student Government Association. I have lost... given up... thrown away the thing that means the most to me.  I suppose there will be other opportunities, but this seemed to be my calling. I was president. And now I am nothing... not even a student. I am a loner looking for himself within himself. I go to the hospital everyday for the majority of the day. I don't know if this is helping or not, I think only time will tell with that. My mom thinks that I am doing better because I look better. But just because I got a hair cut, shaved and put makeup on, doesn't mean that I am all of the sudden better. I don't even know what "better" means. I have a headache, I think that its' from my medication along with the nausea and agitation. OK I have to go. Talk to  you all later!