Today was a very interesting one. First I got up and had rice checks and candy in my bed while watching will and grace. I eventually got up and ready for the day and I took Sammy for a long walk. Then when I got home Mom and I went to Racine's for brunch. It was nice but our conversation led me to tears. I don't know what to say. Some times I just blackout and then come back in. This happens most frequently when I am driving, however, it has happened under different circumstances as well. I know that my dad is telling his patients that he is selling his practice becase of my mental state and that he needs to be with me that hurts me because I know he was going to sell and move to Denver on his own either way. But why tell the entire town that I am mentally insane. There is n purpose for it.  I finished my collage as Chad advise me to do over the weekend.  It looks great to me but I am sure that he is going to rip away at it tomorrow morning. I hope I can keep my composure. I am not good with criticism when it comes from my therapist. I need nurturing not badgering. I am still in a painful place and i think that he knows that. He is simply not going to accept that I am who I am. If there are further problems with him I will request for a councilor change. I hope that I am seeing Dr. Tank tomorrow and we can talk more about the medications and her new diagnosis of Bipolar I. I don't even know how I think or feel about all of this it is so new to me and i am so tired. I just want a medication that works.Today while walking Sammy my mind went blank and I just thought about letting go of Sammy and then running into traffic, being hit multiple times, thus guaranteeing a quick and somewhat painless death.