I am writing from my ofice at Student Government, probably for the last time. I feel really depressed. Group got out early and I just came here because i have an appointment with my psychiatrist at three. I have been smoking. Once a day is all I can take and it relaxes me more than the Xanax does. But, I hate smoking and I thnk that it is gross, but this is a habbit that I cant seem to kick. Everyday after group I smoke a ciggarette, and in my mind that is ok, but i feel so badly about it. Rather I should be exercisingmy body. But, I go into the gym and there are so many athletic and in-shape people there. I feel anxious going there. But I feel anxious here too.I have given up on my team. I let them down to the point that they are not going to have the same  power roles than they did before. It is rediculous that I resigned and I think that I made a worng decision in doing so. Student Government is something that I love and now I have ripped it away from myself and I don't know what to do. I feel alone, as if there is nothing to do. I like to have something bigger than myself to look to. I used to have a lot of thos bigger things, now I have lost the last two things that really meant a lot to me. School and Student Government. There is a hole in me now and I cant fill it, even with eating. My dad just called me and he has forgotten his money at home all cash and credit cards. Now I am going to have to go to the Embassey Suites and give them my credit card and information and it is all the way up in South East Denver. Now i have to worry about taxes. This is great. What a wonderful life. I hope something good comes up soon.