Last night I actually did it. I began cutting myself in my car after buying the razor blades. I am so scared of this escalating further. I went home and I was so confused that I told my mom when I got home and she was horrified. She kept saying that it was horrifying and terrifying. Today I asked her if it was directed towards me or the situation at hand and she responded with "everything." She told me that she does not know how to deal with this, with me, any more. She didn't know what she was supposed to do or how  to keep me safe anymore. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow morning and I hope that we can get some solutions on the table. Maybe it is a good idea to go back into the hospital. uhg if there is someone out there who knows how to deal with this problem please help.