It may just be my anxiety, but I worry so much about living at home with my mom. At the beginning it was so comfortable, she would tuck me in to bed and make sure I was ok. She would make me lots of food and I felt that it was comfortable. Now I feel like a pest that she cant get rid of when she gets on the phone she always goes up to her room and I know that she is talking about me. I know that this is silly to say but..wel no it's not. I just don't want to live anymore. I have been fantasizing about killing myself. Last night I could hardly sleep because I kept thinking about running a sharp blade, a knife or razor, down my forearm. It took me hours to get to sleep. I have never throughout about using and knife and cutting my self to end my life. They have away been different things, they went so connected to the body. I am beginning to hate myself. I hate my face and my body. that I do and don't what I contribute. I feel so utterly worthless that I wasn't to end it now. I want to end this pain. I see my psychiatrist on Monday, so maybe that will help. I hope.