I am breathing. I am here. I am sick of being ill. I am weak and tired. Though this holiday season I have had to use the on-call psychiatrist numerous times because I am unwilling to live any longer in a life I hate. I hate myself. I was on a good track and things were doing really well. Then I began to fall back into a deep depression. I tried to call my therapist but there was no luck there, I didn't hear back from here untill the next day. So I had no choice but to call the on-call psychiatrist from my clinic, Dr. C. I explained everything to him and he told me that Dr Davis (My doctor) had briefly summarized what was going on. But Dr. C completely changed my regimen he tripled the saryqull intake and cut my klonopin in half. Then he asks me not to take my xanax if at all possible. All of these things are contradicting what Dr. Davis is saying.I can't page Dr Davis until tomorrow and hopefully they will do an outreach call to me tomorrow. I want to talk to my doctor.