I am so stupid I come to the school at 8am thinking that my appointment is at 10am with my psychietrist and when I went in to the office they looked at me and smiled and tole me that I wasn't to come in until 11:30am. So now I am here back ing my office bored as ever wondering what I am going to do today. I know that I want to go to the gym for at least a little while because it makes me feel better... not so fat and worthless. Did I tell you that later after the breakup my boyfriednd had told me that it was because of my pounds that made him leave me. How sad, he wasn't in that shape either. I don't know ho people can stand eachother after they say such horrible and mean workds to you. His words still get me depressed and I think they always will. Not only that but he left me in the middle of this crisis that I was going throguh. Not a good support person, obviously there was no desire for me in that relationship from him. I want to love someone. Like really really love them so much and  I wish so much that they were here with me, to be with me and comfort me...make sure I was not bored. But I hardly go out, so It is hard for me to find a partner, not to mention the fact that I am gay has a big role to play in it. But if I am willing I will meet someone somewhere down the line who understants and apreciates me for exactly who I am. Lithium does make one gain some weight, however, I was not flubber. It makes me feel badly to take the medication now and to go out in public. But I have to get over it. It was a silly comment made by a person who is self-centered. The fact that I have another half hour to wait annoys me. They told me 10am not 11:30am. I feel hurt by everyone and I dont know why. As if people are out to get me in some way. These thoughts reek my mind from ocasion to ocasion. I constantly feel as though there is a person behind me. Watching me. Waiting for me to do some thing. I wish it was a friend.