I reduced my medication without the consent of my doctor. Bu it was what my family wanted and what I had thought that I wanted at the time. However, now, I am more depressed than ever and more more anxious as time goes by. My thoughts of suicide have increased dramatically and I feel the action is not present but the feeling of hurting myself is overwhelming. I don't understand why I and felling like this when evening keeps telling me that I am going to get over this or get through this, but nothing ever changes. I want change. I want to be me again. But I don't know how to get back to myself. My mom is still very invasive in my medical treatment. I am unsure as to whether it is a good ideal for her to come to my next psychiatry meeting.  I feel like I have fallen again and I cant possibly get up from this. I am tired of ding thins. All of these drugs and medical appointments. I hate it. I want the the drugs to work not make more more depressed. I have an appointment with Dr Davis on Monday the day after tomorrow, so I am excited to go. I know that she is going to give me a drug that will replace the valium and make e feel much better. I hope this works. Wish me luck.