I fell like my life is crushing in on me. I must this or that my mind tells me. I feel like I am stuck here in a life where nothing is going to get better and all will fail. There is no solution to this phase I am stuck in. People say that positive thinking will help you get out of it, but how am I supposed to think positively? The medications are supposed to help, but I don't know how much they do. The 2 mg Xanax works for me. I ma on the klonopin and the lithium too and I still feel like I am going to take a shot of drano.  I am scared that I ma evental be tempted to do what I just proposed There have been a number of times where I have prepare the materials to execute the task, but never went through it. Oddly, because I think of my mother.  I have a doctor's appointment on Monday and I am so excited.  I find it funny that I get excited for my doctor's appointments... well at least the psychiatrist, Dr. Davis, she is amazing.It makes me anxious though, because over Christmas Break I am going to have to see a different psychiatrist.  There is one in the same office who would see me but I don't like him too much and I am afraid that he would mess with my medication too much. I think that I will have to talk to Dr. Davis about my concerns. Or maybe she can give me a referral for someone outside the Auraria Medical Center. This is all weird stuff.