I feel so sad today. The day hasn't even started and I feel depressed and anxious. My hands are shaking and I keep crying. I feel an urge to end life. My worthlessness causes this. I am on this earth for no reason and have no duties or responsibilities. Thankfully I can hold on to things like my school incomplete and do those... get my mind off of suicide for now. I have to go to the therapist today and that makes me so upset. I don't like to see him, he does nothing for me.  All he does is talk about himself. I feel lazy and worthless. I want to do more with life, but nothing is working. I am trying so hard to get out of all of this. Today I bring me and my brother to the DMV so I suppose that is worth something. I don't know!!! What is this in me that is so ill and infesting my person?I think that I am also depressed because it is so close to  Thanksgiving and I have had low family interaction. My dad is gone and that makes me feel uncomfortable because he is a major part of our family. And when he will be here for Thanksgiving he will be bringing his new family and is might feel awkward for everyone, especially since Uncle Mike is going to be there too. I guess I will simply have to drink heavily, as my mother would say.