I am dreading going to the psychotherapist tomorrow. I don't want to go, I simply don’t like this man. And if I feel uncomfortable with him how in the world am I expected to trust him so much with my feelings? Bull shit.I am back in my office today.  I have already gone to visit my advisor and started to cry in front of her. What a strong presidential force I must put up, huh? It's hard to talk about your problems, especially with someone who cares about you. It is almost as though I don’t want to concern then with what I am going through. But, this is so painful to go through. I am crying now. It'll be hard to leave my office with out anyone noticing. I can't express the pain that I go through. Going through a good day only makes a bad day even worse. I hate having to feel this way. My mom makes me feel guilty a lot about money and costs. However, she tells me not to worry about the prices of things and I get so confused. I am scared to ask for money because she could snap. I am afraid she is falling into a depression too. I know that my observation of individuals is off, but still I am so scared to loose her too. We have grown closer from this experience. Closer than a simple son and mother, but we have a different type of trust and support for each other then others. She is my best friend and I don’t know what I would do with out her.The medications seem to be working and I think that will improve my mood but I simply hate feeling like this. I am a different person.I don’t know who I am anymore. My identity is gone and the world around me keeps going while I feel dead. There is no reason for me to be in the world. I am not a positive additive to society. Why can’t I drive my self to hurt myself? I have a passion to do so, but when I am there I keep thinking of my family. That is the only reason I am still here is because of my family. Without them I am truly nothing. Nothing.