Again I am writing from the student government office from behind closed doors. I think that I come here because my mom asks me every morning, "What are you going to do today?" And, cognitively, the only proper response that I can giver her is that I am going into the student government office to work of that and homework, plus I think that she likes that response. I don’t know if she likes me in the house all day. I don't blame her, having a teenager in the house again is no fun. Especially now that I am 21 or turning so on Thursday.You want to know something cool. For you 18th birthday my mom threw me a surprise party with all of my friends there (which was like my entire class of 18). Everyone got his or her own dinner and it was great we had the entire second floor to ourselves. I had so many friends and there was not a care in the world. I wish life was still that simplistic and vivid.I think that my 21st birthday will be the loneliest i have ever had. As of now I have no friends. Not one. My boyfriends broke up with me leaving me with no one to turn to. In fact, I have become so desperate about finding new friends that may be supportive of me I have begun to ask people on my staff like Melissa since we were accurateness prior to her hire on to council. I mean who does that?  Who asks their employees if they are friends with each other. This is just getting weird.Not only thing but also I actually feel lonely. I feel like there is no one to get away to. There is no one to go to. All I have is myself. I turn away everyone else. Isolation is something that I have me an art.  But, that is why I come to the office too...I want a place that i can be; a place that is mine. This is the only place that I feel like I have, it's actually mine. I cant share my mom's house with her because it is still her house. She refuses to allow me to make subtle changes, so that we can make it our home. I want a home. I felt close to home this weekend when I was using my aggression on the weekends and raking the leaves, but still that is the year work not the home...house.  All of this makes me keep thinking about it. I don't want to think about it. Sometimes it seems like it own be better to not be here at all. I just don’t want to deal with any of this. And I feel like throwing up my problems. I have serious issues with the vomiting. I am going to ask the doctor about the medications when I see her next Friday. That is the one after this Friday...Can I last?