I awoke at 5am this morning after dreaming of my partner, who the night before had texted me that he wanted to take a break from our relationship for a while. I don’t know what to do now. He was one of my major sources of trust and companionship. I wish he were here with me right now comforting me. Last night was Halloween so it is possible that he was just drunk and was saying things. I think that I am going to call him right now. He texted me back and said he is at work. I know that he can text there but he wont respond to mine. I am scared of loosing someone really close to me. I guess that is also why I am afraid to get too close to peopled. Why would he use text message to tell me that he wants to take a break from being with me? A break seems like the bull shit way to break up with someone, you don't want to take a break, because that means you have to go back to them. Without him I don't know who to be. He had gotten so close to all of my family I can't believe this is happening. He is very special to me and I am proud of him, to be thrown away like this is in no way something that I had foreseen. I don't know who I am going to spend my time with other than my mother. He was like my best friend. I have no friends now, I am alone and desperate for companionship. I rode the buss to school today. A different number though. This was the 2, yesterday was the 12.  I like the 2 because it's scenery is much nicer and it passes the Governor's Mansion. The buss is definitely a different environment than what I am used to. there is something about having the ability to dive a car to your destination yet to choose to take a bus instead. I definitely seems more economical. I feel that it gives me time to reflect about me day.No as I sit in my office I can think back throughout the days and get a little sight on what life used to mean to me. The definitions have weakened, now, over time and with the growth of my own spirit. I must now find a way to be content with myself. Do I need other people in my life? Yes. i think that I do. It makes the experience all the more pleasurable. Now I find myself text messaging coworkers in my phone and asking them if we are friends. There is one young woman who I trust. It's Melissa Kwan. One night when I was very stressed she took me out and took my mind off of what was going on. I feel like that is friendship.I wish I someone who was here for me to talk to. I feel like I want to die. I feel like I need to die. I have broken the relationships that I used too have and now I have no relationships at all.All I have is work and I am supposed to be taking time away from this and getting well.I don't know when I will be well again. Now I am alone. Desperate. Depressed...