Trying to get back on my feet is much harder than I though it would have been. The pressures I face at school are enormous i just want to stay in my bed. People ask if I am ok but they don't ask where I've been because they already know and they are not about to go into that.I still feel sick constantly. The nice part about going back to school was being able to vomit. I can’t walk into my office without having an attack so I stay out of there. I am so scared what the school is going to do. Are they going to make me drop my classes, fail them, please god let me just do some incompletes and then call it a  day. I don’t care if I loose a couple class, but I know there are two that I really would love to keep studying. I sent them all an email but I hope those who I care about, care about me as well.I know how easy it is to kill you. I was crossing Speer blvd. this afternoon and just felt this calm urge to step over the curb and walk into moving traffic. I could see it happening slowly and painlessly in my mind. The thought itself both scared me and trilled me at the same time. It seems as though there are now more stressors in my life than there were before and letting go of the stresses is so difficult.  Death sees like a legitimate option for a person with so many concerns. Many my age don’t have to be concerned, but I am overly concerned. I went in to talk to a professor today and he completely didn't understand and gave me no other option than to drop the class. I felt so left separated by him, I felt like I had given him so much time and so much effort for him to simply, now, say no. It seems unfair and sad to me. I am a good person I am not trying to trick anyone or hurt anyone else I am simply trying to live my life and live it well. This is not what I want from my education. I want more. I want more responsibility from the professors. I hope to get some answers soon.