I don't know if it is the medicine or if it is the school but I am so worried. I don’t want to do off of my father’s insurance doing gad school and not be able to afford the medications and doctors’ appointments. I deal so sad. My boy friend is being a fucking ass hole and my cousin is under the same pressure that I am with this bipolar diagnosis. I don't know what hers is life but mine is partnered with anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.I don't know why the treatment from the hospital is not working. Have the meds kicked in? I am so tired I am taking at lease, if not more, than two weeks off of school. I am always cold; I think that is a sing of my true reality. I am in a cold and lonely place to turn to. I had hoped going to the hospital would work but it didn't at all. It jut go me on different meds. I am scared to move on. Moving on hurts, this it makes sense to just simply, privately, hurt myself. I am so angry that I have the power to utter these words through my fingertips. Taking myself from this work is one of the most selfish things i could ever do, but one of the most peaceful and relinquishing ones as well. I am scared for my family I don’t want them to suffer this weekend was difficult to get through life, as though I have to act a certain way. In the hospital I can just be left alone to do what I need to. More and more childhood memories fill my mind as I think of dear Emily going through this tragic sickness. This is something so sinister that I never want to have to go through it again. I need more self-empowerment my life. I need more self-strength. Even with these medications I cannot run. I can a hardly walk and usually need a lot of support getting out chars an cars. I cant breathe anymore i am so condensed in to its box I need to get out of I want to do something with my life.  This is torture inside my own mind. This disease is a strain on intelligence and intellect. No way am I able to concentrate and lean from those professionals who know best.I feel sick and dizzy.