I am already starting off my day on the line. Suicidal thoughts have been fluttering, and not trying to figure out how to use my car. My hear hurts a lot. I am now on lithium and klonopin and I an feeling and sleeping somewhat better, but I am so confused. When should I go back to school and how difficult is it going to be to go back to school after missing almost a month? It makes me sad that I have given up on my self. I used to be so judgmental towards those who gave up on school and now i am the one needing the break and I am only in the first semester.I just spoke with my bother on the floor of my bedroom and I think that it was a good talk but I don’t want to explain all of this to him because I want to be his big brother. I am feeling really jittery and anxious and I can't control it rite now. This seems to be getting better and worse at the same time. Its scary and new to me these are new feelings to me. I don’t know how to deal with them. I don’t want my brother to leave tomorrow but I also feel clustered and closed up with all of these family and people around me.I just need to breathe and relax.
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take that advice to urself and run wih it bro. i knw how confussing and hurtful it is to urself to be so mixed up as i am the same with jr. tho i cheated on him hes still here? and he asks me everyday if im ok and makes sure im me and not my alter. we all need that one person to be there for us and im sorry ure bro is leavin. as far as school goes tho i dnt think u should push urself. do we all need an education yea but we need to better ourselves first mentally and physically before rejoinin the outside world too a knw. im here if u need anything and stay strong. ure goin to have ure good and bad days but knw u arent alone and are in our prayers bro :)
KAREN