I have officially one night in this facility and I am beginning to see a change in my behavior. I am very frustrated at my mother's lack to silence her during sensitive situation. I am the patient here and I know that the decisions that I am my doctors are the right ones.The new medications seem to begin to work and enter my blood system. Once they are there I will be ok to leave the ward. I have found that the professionals here are very intelligent people who genuinely care for the healing and well being of each patient.My room is too big, it seems as though there is more room here than needed. But I have a huge window with electrical blinds that has a decent view of Auraria. I am still constantly feeling weak and worthless in the world there is nothing for me here any more...my passion has completely diminished at this point and I have no energy or stigma to get back into the game. my suicidal thoughts have lessened since I've been here, though, I thinking that this simply may be because of the fact that I am in a controlled environment where I don't even see the traffic. Or maybe, hopefully, this medicine is helping me balance out my deep depression.My mom cam in for a visit today and walked into my bedroom while I was taking a nap and she completely lost her mind. She got two doctors to come look at me and all I was resting, because 1. I have insomnia and can't sleep at night and 2. I had nothing else to do so a nap seemed legitimate. However she had though that I was so sedated that I couldn't get out of bed. This is what I see a a challenge in my treatment because she has done this multiple time and I express certain feeling to her but I expirees much more information in sessions of MY LIFE I life that I have built, seen, respected, and have to live with everyday. It is one thing to be a worried parent, but it is another thing to add to the confusion of the diagnosis. I am going through enormous pressure right now and this added stress is not helping. This evening I considered signing HIPPA privacy for that would not allow her to be a functioning party in my sessions and the diagnosis. But I cant do that because she is my mother and I lover and I need and want her support. I simply don’t need someone going behind my back and talking to my doctors about. This was a serious issue for me today and it got me extremely worked up. I don’t want to feel this distress again, all I want is for her to trust my judgment, because by all means it has not been impaired. Sleep is difficult. The bed is actually quite comfortable. I just cant seem to stop thing about what my mom is going to attempt to change tomorrow. I am excited more my dad and brother to come and see me, I have felt a lot of disconnect. I hope he doesn’t bring his new wife and child; this is more of a family personal matter. Thankfully I have not put her name on the admission list so she would not be able to gain access to the ward at anytime.I am still quite worried about myself. I can’t stop worrying. Thoughts are running through my mind and I am agitated and will express it publicly. As my mother saw this evening, but mostly what I am feeling is loneliness. Even when my mom come to visit I cant talk. No talking happens. I have nothing to sat to me and I dint have anything for her. So it makes me feel like I am loosing the person closest to me and I hate that.I WANT TO VOMIT. All of these emotions are coming up and I want a release from the fear the anxiety and my depression. Something else is that if I vomit later in the evening I usually sleep better. Since the doctor wont give a sleep helper I am considering bring it back up. I reason that I have been so good about not vomiting while here is because I really do want to se if these medication work for me. I am going to take a hot shower, get dome tea and water and go to bed now. Bye.