I am in the hospital now beginning my attempt to become feeling better. I have to email my teachers and give them my notice of absence. Some of this doesn't make sense to me. They said that they would give me my drugs tonight and the person at the pharmacy said the Doc never called them in. This pisses me off. If this doesn’t change I am going to have to change hospitals. I am already feeling really jittery and un-clamed I feel like I want to fall asleep and explode. I don’t like the feeling that someone is going to come check on me ever 30 mins. I went to a group exercise this evening and I think that helped me understand that many people are going through the same things they are just at different levels at this point in their life.One woman I met was a student at the University of Colorado in Boulder and she is gaining her PH.D in psychological education. Interesting huh? I am definitely worried about my state. being off of my meds is not a good thing, I feel so anxious and jittery already. I have missed two doses. The doctor was also going to begin to put me on to lithium but that script is not in either! This is agitating me to the point that I just want to leave now.Ok, I got the medication situation straightened out.  Mom and I talked with the nurse's station and they just gave me a Xanax and Kolonopin. It is stressful being here I hope that it is just for this initial day. I am so depressed apparently. People are here for minor depression and they are still able to laugh and talk to others and be playful, all I want to do is be in my room and get a good night's sleep...for once. I am not sure what tomorrow is going to come of. The security of this place scares me. I can’t leave this section of this floor at any time. But I take some walks around the ward and sometime take some more scrubs and blankets. I feel so lonely. Being so departed from the earth makes me feel depressed and anxious. What is something happens and I am not there to witness it. Such as, the Hillary Clinton visit to CU Denver tomorrow, that I was looking forward to.Ever since speaking with the doctor today I keep thinking of ways that i could kill myself within my own room. I am just pondering I don’t feel there is any risk in me that would so something other than what I have said involving cars.I am going to go take a shower and wash my feelings away, and with any luck I will be able to sleep a good six hours tonight! I am anticipating talking to the doctor tomorrow. I am reluctant to allow the students to come in to the session with me. I feel that if they are there I wont speak freely. Personally, only like to speak with one person and preferably it would be a female...not being sexist.Good night. Whish me the best.