I was finally feeling up to hanging out with my boyfriend yesterday, but to make it feel more comfortable am not sure how my mom came along too. I am not sure how much this is going to go on for. Life shouldn't be lived like this. I am wasting someone else's valuable life by being such a waster to society. My medication 2mg of Clonazepam three times a day sedates me somewhat so I am not obsessing over things. When I have attacks or panic badly I still take a Xanax and I am taking Trazodone 50mg to sleep at night, which I still hope will work better in the next few days. Soon I will be on Effexor and i hope that will help with the depression i have been going through.I keep thinking what to do with school. I am not sure I should take a break and frankly I don’t want to. I love school and always have, it is my passion. I want to progress in society. But there are so many factors that go into the complex question of taking a break. I am not sure what I would do. Would I work? With the meds I am on now my mom wont even let me drive my car. I think that the best solution is to stick it out with school and maybe drop my load of classes. As for student government I know that is a huge stressor and I am not sure if I can stay much longer there. But I am the student body president and that type of power shift can really hurt and an organization. Every time I walk into my office there is some middle school drama happening that I don’t want to be a part of.I fear going to school this week. I have two exams to take but my passion and my drive is gone to both study fro them and even show up for them. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. This is such a bad feeling and I wish the best for all of us who are going through it. My mind is fluttered with thoughts that have no relevance to what is happening in current time and therefore my concentration suffers dramatically. I am going to begin ot see my councilor twice a week and my psychiatrist once a week until I can get some meds sorted out. I think that this is all going to work out. I have faith. I spoke with my dad about all that has been going on. My mom and me were in target when he called and I just broke down crying telling him what I was going through. He told me that he loves and supports me and also brought up the idea of taking time off of school. He is a lovely man and I love him so much but when he was on the phone with me that evening he made me feel like this is all being establish in my own mind and that I simply just need to think differently and be happy, but I cant do that now. I can't be happy anymore. Like I had said earlier I moved out of the dorms earlier and now I am staying with my mom. Yesterday I went back there to get something’s and when I walked out of the building one of my roommates saw me and it felt extremely awkward, I didn't know how to explain any of this to her. I told them both about the problems that i have been going though and I am unsure as to whether or not they understand what pain I have in life. My other roommate just text messaged me and told me that she wanted to know where her CDs were and told me not to ignore her. I though that the message was somewhat rude and hostile. Now I am anxious about it and I want to respond bake to he but I know that is just going to make the situation worse. I am scared that I am choosing the wrong path in life. That what I am doing is not correct and I have gotten myself into a place that I dont want to be. I am comfortable here though, it is a safe place. What I am afraid of it the past and the judgments I will receive from those who are not satisfied with what I have done. I understand the concept of not thing about what others this of you but I constantly think of how others judge me. Everywhere and all the time. I guess as though I feel like I have fallen back in life... My plan is no longer standing and now it will have to be rebuilt. I have to rebuild everything that I have done to get where I am in my status and my name. I am fortune enough to go to the Auraria campus where the majority of students do live at home with their parents, it is not an uncommon thing.I have to leave now or I will write forever. Best to all.