I have always loved food. The taste and the sensation I gain from eating something, especially a new and delight dish. Now I am afraid to eat. When I go to eat I consume massive amounts of food both junk and relatively good food. Later I will experience utter pain that will shoot through my entire body. The food can no longer stay there, it is not safe there and I am not safe with it inside me. My anxiety peaks and I no longer know where to turn but to vomit.I vomited last night and my mom got upset. she said that she wont allow me to vomit. She is only trying to help me get through this hard time but I ma so hard on her. I am so anxious that she is simply helping me now and while I am going through these bad times and as soon as I begin to feel better she will drop me. I told her about these thoughts lat night and she thought that they were ridicules. I suppose they are looking back at them.Today has not been the greatest. I seem to want to just get up and leave. I want to go somewhere new where no one will know my past or me. The thought of me taking some time off of school keep running through my head with all of my other anxieties and I don’t know if that is something I should do. I have been so good at what I do up until this point that I don’t see leaving school is a logical decision for me. I want someone to make it for me I don’t want to have to do this, I don’t want to be a failure. I don't want to let my dad down.Eve if I was to take a break would I live with my mom or my dad? I don't know what it would be like living with him now that he has a new family and I am not a part of it. I don’t think that he is happy either. I think that he has made a poor and hasty decision and now regrets it, but refuses to admit it to anyone. I wish he would just tell me. It might make it easier to go back home to see him.I go home to see my father and it is constant battle to decipher what everyone is saying because half of the people in the house are Vietnamese and that is all they speak. They are both assimilating to the culture well and I have faith that they will become more familiar to our traits soon, but for now it is difficult to even think about.I have better be getting back to work. I have two exams next week.