Still worrying about the same old things. I told m dad what has been going on last night and he was very understanding. I broke down to him. He seemed to be ok with what I was going through and I know that he is supportive of me. Now I worry that he thinks less of me; that he thinks that I am weak in life and I cant deal with my own personal issues. I am still anxious. I am worrying mostly about school and work. I always ask myself, "what am I supposed to worry about right now?" and then I draw up lists and prioritize them in my head over and over again. The list get longer and they even include some stupid things like what to do with all of my pens. I am glad that I am staying with my mother because this way I don’t have to talk/face the people at the dorms. I don’t want to talk to anyone and when people try to touch me I don't like the feeling anymore. I used to like to be hugged, but now it is more painful than it should be. I am so tired. My mom and I stayed up late last night watching movies trying to get my mind off of everything that has been going on in my life. I am glad that the doctor has put my on the xanax because I am able to finally sit down and read or write for school like I used to be able to do. I keep asking myself the question is this all worth it? Why do I have to go through this when I can simply eliminate all my troubles at once? I know this is a selfish act and I never want to put that burden on my family's shoulders. I think that it would kill them. I am just scared to what point should I worry that I may take action on to myself and execute the test that I feel may be necessary to stop this agony. I am at my mom's house so now I am unable to vomit as consistently as I was before. This is not good for me because now everything is staying in and I don’t know how to get my feelings out. I feel as though surprising them back into me is not a good idea. I do have hope but for now I am sad. And I don’t know how to define what that sadness is. It is not something that I want to go through anymore. I am sad and depressed and i don’t want to get out of bed anymore, how is it that i am still motivated to go to school?When my dad told me that it might be a good idea to take some time off of school I told him no, not at all. Now I keep reconsidering what I had said. Maybe it is a good idea that I take some time off...but I don’t want to give up on what I have built. I don’t want to take a step back.