I broke down today. That was something that I have not done before. I haven’t been driving because of the xanax that I am taking. My mom picked me up from school and then picked some things up formally my apartment and then on the way home to her house I completely broke down in the garage in the car. I was crying and couldn't breathe. I was shaking and shivering and I just kept staring at the same place on the wall. I tried and tried to take in a deep breath and nothing worked. My mom finally dragged me in to the house for some soup so I could settle down.I needed to call my father and tell him what had been happening. He had been calling all day and I never responded. I called him when I got home and I broke down again when he asked me if everything was all right. He seemed concerned and I was so scared, both to tell him these personal things and that they were actually happening to me. He asked me what was wrong; what was triggering this; what was I thinking about? I don’t know...Do I have to know? It is so difficult to try to explain what is wrong when nothing is seemingly different in life. I am trying to figure out what has gone differently, but I can't put my finger on it. I know that I am overly anxious, stressed and overly depressed. My father told me that it might be a good idea to take a break from school...I immediately responded with a no! I don’t want to give up what I have been working so hard for my entire like. I am not going to give that up now. I am not sure if it school that is stressing me out or something different. He thought that it may be something that could be attributed to him and I told him no to that too. I myself still don’t know.I have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Friday and I am excited about it. i want to learn more and begin to try some drugs that might work for me. Right now the xanax is making a huge difference and I think that I am really able to be myself again with it, however, I understand that it is very addictive and that is not a good thing. I am so tired. I will write more at the office tomorrow!