Again, in my office behind closed doors I write my feeling through this digital brain. I find that my computer is my friend. In fact ia msure that this machene knows more about me than I do about myself. I feel unsafe. I ups and downs are so frequent that I am unsure what is happening. I have an appointment with my councilor today and I hope that will settle some of my fears and anxious thoughts. I have stopped worrying about Caleb for some reason. I feel maybe my health is more important right now and there will be other relationships in the future, but for now I need me. Though, I don't want to give up on something I truely believe in. I keep saying that I hate to give up I hate to fail and I refuse to do so. This is why it was so difficult to quit my job as a RA becasue i had failed at something, something that may have seemed so simple. My father is a dentist and there is no need for him to worry about money but he does and he does it constantly. Unfortunetly, every time I see him he explains to me how he will not be able to pay for things that I may need like car insurance or medical bills, telling me that he does that already through insurance and that i should have my mom pay for those other costs. This is one large stresser. I dont know what to do becasue both dont want to pay for something that I truely need. I dont ask for much and this is not a luxery it is more of a necessity. I get nervous around a good amount of people. I used to never lock myself in my office I was always in the common area doing my homework with the other members of the association. We have all been through a lot of drama together and I think that now we are better and I feel badly shutting myself off from everyone else. I want to vomit now. I have made myself sick again.