I can't end what I have begun. My life has turned into something that is different at the time being and i must cope with it. Soon I will find something that will calm me and for now i must deal with the pain associated with the depression and the anxiety. I have never wanted to feel what i do now and I hope others dont have to go throguh this. It feels all too quick. I have a number of doctors appointments and I am taste testing every medication known to mankind. Today the doctor thought that I may be bipolar and I may soon be perscribed moodstabilizers. This is something that scares me. Somehow Xanax and Valium dont scare me. Their addictive background can be beat by me but I need to calm my self whatever means necessary. I want to go to the gym tomorrow but I know that I feel feel safer and more secure in my bed under my covers. I still and procrastinating my homework. I have so much to do. Midterms are this coming week and I am not sure how well I will do on certain tests. My grades have always been quite good through college and I think that It can be easy to give up but I know that I have the streignth to keep going.I want to call my mom. I have not called her in two days, a long time for me, my phone has been off so I have cut my self off from everyone but my roommates and those who are directly around me during the day. I want to call and tell her what has been going on but I know that she will get upset with what drugs the doctors have given me since she used to abuse similiar drugs herself. I want to beware that I dont surcome to the same abuse, however, I am willing to do whatever it takes to get over this hump in my life. I am so aggitated with people. The last thig I want to do is loose the important relationships with the people I love the most. I dont know who to turn to for support. The only people that come to mind are my doctors. I want to confide in friends and family but they shy away from the conversation as if it does not exist. Somehow they will understand this pain I am feeling and hopefully they will help me cope with it too.  I am not sure what my father is up to. I talk to his secratary more than I talk to him. In some cases this can be good. Ever since this depression and anxiety has come up the conversations with him have been more and more about that rather than about life and family. He tells me that he sufferes from the same and i simply need to think differently...simpler said than done. He is still a depressed mess too and the last thing I want to happen to me is to fall to his level of anxiety and depression. I have to get to studing! I hop everyone is doing well.