What scares me is that I see that acomplishments of the people surrounding me. I have hit my peak. My goals as of now have been met and I don't know what to do. I have the best grades I have ever had and I am the president of the student body of my university. What more could I want? I am powerfull, determined and succeessful. However, I have fallen...into the depths of depression and anxiety. I am nervous of what people are doing and saying. I can't think anymore. My concentrations are not set on my studies or my friends or family. I don't know what to do to solve this.I hope to find relief when I go to the doctors office today. I wish there was some sort of miracle drug that can be taken and all will be solved but I know that there is a lot of work that i need to do too to make myself feel better. I want to go to the gym today. Maybe I will make it over there. Maybe that will make me feel better. I have cut myself off from my parents. I have cut myself off from my friends too. I have turned my phone off for the first time ever and f feels weird...insecure...lonely. I am figgity all the time and I get frustrated eaiser than normal. People are responding diferently to me and I think this may be why. I used to have a calming and sweet tone to poeple now things are just different. I keep getting these odd dreams outof no where. They scare me becasue I never used to drea and now i have one every night and they are so out there. Sometimes I feel really calm and cool. Very down to earth, but those are the times that I also feel very depressed and hurt. When I am anxious I am all over the place. I cant remember things and I am trying to balance numerous things at once leaving me in a state of desparaton. I put myself into a paic all the time and I cant stop. I am beaking everyday. I hate to admit all of this becasue I fear loosing my strength and power. I am a strong person and always have been. But how am I to succeed in life with all of this fear, depression and anxiety? I am sad alone scared and anxious.
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I really think you need to take time for yourself. I know it seems impossible, but if your mind and body are telling you you must, you better listen. I\'m wondering if your dreams and maybe even some other issues are because of the meds you are taking. I\'ve hear people say that their antidepressants gave them nightmares and they had to go off. It can take some adjustments until you find the right combo. of meds and to find the right counselor to see. With the giant whirlwind going on in your brain, I think you would benefit from the \"one day at a time\" philosophy. When my mind used to spin out of control, sometimes I would have to break life into tiny little segments that I could handle. I would say to myself, \"for the next 5 minutes all I need to focus on is this\" and it helps to slow down the whirlwind. Maybe your doctor should give you something for anxiety that will start working right away while you are waiting the 2 months or so it can take for antidepressants to kick in. Do you think your mom might be able to help you work through some of this stuff? How is your relationship with her. You also might consider sharing these moving journal entries with you teachers so that they can understand. Chances are your teachers have dealt with similar things themselves and will understand.
Good Luck! I really hope things get better soon.