ok sorry iv just been through a bit today so yh the only person i trust and can rely on just left and now i feel so alone and unproctected. i dont no what to do i feel like i have no1 here now i cant talk to my parants hes the only one i feel i can talk to and hes gone the only person i can truly lean on and he had to leave i feel quite broken.i cant tell him any of this either cuz he blames  himself and i dont want him to feel like hes the blame cuz hes not. he doesnt tell me that he thinks that but i can tell whenever i tell him it shows in his voice, in his actions but most of all in his eyes. they just fill with pain and fear and i hate making him feel that way i hate it, its like all hes done is be there for me ans i repay him by hurting him. it kills me its like torture for me. i really like him and i dont like what i put him through i make him so upset i can tell and he just puts up with it i no hes only doing it for me but i dont want to be the reason hes like that sometimes i feel like telling him to fuk off so i dont hurt him anymore i cant take huring him anymore but i also no doing that will kill me i defanatly would not be able to cope and i no it will hurt him but i dont no whats worse hurting him every time i feel down or cut or just one fatal blow and telling him to stuff off i love him,  defanatly, i love him more than life itself i can feel it now my heart is tingling it sound stupid i no and im pushing him away i can tell but its like im not in control i cant help it i dont want him to run away i need him to stay so i constantly keep my true feeligs locked away which does create a block between us iv never talked about anything all my life and now iv lost the ability to talk about anything it scares me like i said before the thing is i new i loved him writing this has just made it hit home how much i do its crazy I NEED HIM!!!!!!!!! hes the only guy for me and i no hell be there for me no matter what so i dont no why im so scared heh i have no reason i cant get rid of him no way i dont think it will best for him its just me being stupid  ok sorry that was a right old rant but its helped a lot so yh sorry to who ever reads this  and im guessing youwill find it confusing but yh. love is love no matter whatfor true love youll take that shotit may not work and it may hurtbut for true love you take that riskit may be hard at moments of sickbut see it through thats the tricktrue love never ever dies if its ment it will last foreverthis is for him and freinds toojust to let you no I LOVE YOU!!!