30 Days

Today I am celebrating my 30 days of not going to the casino. Its kind of odd that its almost my monthly payday and there's still money left!! Those days of desperation(selling, scraping, borrowing, pawning) are hopefully only memories. I feel self worth again. Like maybe I'm worthy of living my life instead of my addiction living it for me. I know I'm only 30 days out this time, but I still think back on the times when i would put my last penny into a slot machine hoping for my big win. How my nerves were so bad that my heart would race, and at the same time feel like i couldn't breathe. The anxiety of gambling is so HORRIBLE! I am holding myself accountable for my actions now, something i never did before. I know life's not perfect and things will go wrong. I need to just let myself feel instead of hiding in front of the slot machine that doesnt give a damn about me anyway. I feel like I'm starting to see the light again as i rise up from the depths of hell!!! Hugs Lisa