3:30 am

And here I am again--awake. Classical music playing, trying to distract my mind, soothe myself back to sleep. Had to make Sawyer move--he was up against my back and not only was it hot, it reminded me of having my lover there, not my dog

Nothing particular on my mind. Just alone in the night

Wonder if he is going to make physical contact with her now that I'm gone........no, don't think of that. Look, even if he does, he's probably just going to cheat on her eventually. Don't go there....that hurts

Does he think about me? Does he regret his selfishness and stupidity? How did he feel when the package with all his clothes/belongings arrived? What happened to the painting I was working on when I left? Did he throw it out, or put it away somewhere? What things in his future will always remind him of me? remind him of us? Or has he just pushed me from him mind?

Does he hurt? Does he regret? Does he wish he could do it over again and not make the stupid mistakes that ruined us? Does he even care?  

God, this sucks..................