3/23/13
Feeling somewhat better this morning. took something to help me sleep and sleep and sleep last night. Yesterday was just so very very hard. There is only 1 thing tying us together and that is the bank account. Because of some past stuff it turns out I cannot open an account. And I sure can't stay on the joint one though he keeps telling me not to worry about it, there's no hurry, its not a problem. WTH? he expect me to stay on forever? And I know the reason is because even though he doesn't really use the account right now he does have auto bills that come through and he deposits the money in the account to cover that. Every now and then he's a little short or he doesnt have it right away and my money covers it. Anyway, I called him to tell him I can't open an acct. No hurry". he suggests I get a walmart bank card or whatever, but I dont want to. I went online and found an online bank that did allow me to open an account. Just waiting for it all to be final and receive my debit card. At that point I will mail him his debit card and the rest of the checkbooks. He says we have to go together to get my name off the joint one, won't THAT be fun. My god, I was even crying at the bank because it IS the last string. Once its cut we have no reason for any contact at all. I've been doing no contact and someone in my camp must have told him cause he ahsn't called anymore just to see how I am doing. No contact is hard when the person lives in the same small town. Had thought that when I run into him and her (once she moves here) I would just walk on by as if he and I are strangers. I have no desre to meet her, or see them. It's gonna hurt. But now I'm thinking being strangers might be too difficult to do. Im gonna have to gird my loins and put my big girl granny panties on and just say hello when it happens.
The last time he dumped me for the woman who became ex-wife #2, (we were dating) I put a curse on him. What can I say, I lived in New Orleans. The curse backfired on me, it seemed like. This time I have fought my passive aggressive tendencies and have taken the high road. There are things I could do that would cause him problems, but I have resisted. I noted a long time ago that his ex's flourish once he is gone. Me? I am flourishing too. My finances have never been better. I was able to go on a cruise and have another one booked for November. My bills are up to date. I've been able to go on a shopping sprees (I love clothes and jewlery). Ive got the money to finally get new hearing aids. Then it will be new glasses and some trips to the dentist cause I need to get a partial. In spite of all I've been through the last 3 years: mother's death, father in dementia, 3 of my pets died, losing my marriage, and then my dad's death-I am doing really really well. Except for crashing now and then. I had to leave 3 of my dogs with him when I moved. No way I could have 4 dogs in an apt. I used to go to the house now and then to visit with the other dogs. I stopped doing that because I dont want to see the house or him. So I've let go of the ones he has.
Yesterday I wanted to die. and I as thinking about it. The future seems to stretch out so long and lonely.I need to just take it one day at a time, not looking back or forward. Just deal with today. I have a long weekend next weekend and I dread it. But just now I started thinking of going to New Orleans for the weekend. Anyway, I am a little bit better.
The last time he dumped me for the woman who became ex-wife #2, (we were dating) I put a curse on him. What can I say, I lived in New Orleans. The curse backfired on me, it seemed like. This time I have fought my passive aggressive tendencies and have taken the high road. There are things I could do that would cause him problems, but I have resisted. I noted a long time ago that his ex's flourish once he is gone. Me? I am flourishing too. My finances have never been better. I was able to go on a cruise and have another one booked for November. My bills are up to date. I've been able to go on a shopping sprees (I love clothes and jewlery). Ive got the money to finally get new hearing aids. Then it will be new glasses and some trips to the dentist cause I need to get a partial. In spite of all I've been through the last 3 years: mother's death, father in dementia, 3 of my pets died, losing my marriage, and then my dad's death-I am doing really really well. Except for crashing now and then. I had to leave 3 of my dogs with him when I moved. No way I could have 4 dogs in an apt. I used to go to the house now and then to visit with the other dogs. I stopped doing that because I dont want to see the house or him. So I've let go of the ones he has.
Yesterday I wanted to die. and I as thinking about it. The future seems to stretch out so long and lonely.I need to just take it one day at a time, not looking back or forward. Just deal with today. I have a long weekend next weekend and I dread it. But just now I started thinking of going to New Orleans for the weekend. Anyway, I am a little bit better.
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