3/14/14
I did a bad thing. Been in contact with ex a bit ever since I took my dog over to stay with him. I miss talking to him and I keep thinking maybe we could still talk, etc. Texted him a message that had a sexual connotation though that was not the topic. Knew how he would react. We started a long "conversation" about sexual things. As expected one thing led to another and he asked if he could come over and watch me with "bob" (I dot even have a "bob").
I told him, that wouldnt be right and he knew that. He said "just once"? No, that would not be right. Then he asked me if I would send him a pic because he lost the one he did have. I don't remember giving him a pic like that. Anyway I asked him why would he want a pic like that when he has a real person there he can be with. He said because it's me and he has "fantasies". I dodged the question and told him i had to go.
Even though I had no intention of doing those things he wanted, I knew from the start that the conversation would go down that road. Because it's him. No matter that hes been married to #4 for 3 months. I feel very ashamed of myself for having done this.
I was able to see my therapist for a few minutes and tell her about this. She said to stop beating myself up about it. I'd done it. It was over. I found out what I wanted to know. I wasn't planning to do the things or have the conversation with him again. Maybe this finally proves to e that he has not changed. That #4 did not get the improved version--in any way.
I know I'm going straight to hell for this...I hope Karma cuts e some slack, though...
I told him, that wouldnt be right and he knew that. He said "just once"? No, that would not be right. Then he asked me if I would send him a pic because he lost the one he did have. I don't remember giving him a pic like that. Anyway I asked him why would he want a pic like that when he has a real person there he can be with. He said because it's me and he has "fantasies". I dodged the question and told him i had to go.
Even though I had no intention of doing those things he wanted, I knew from the start that the conversation would go down that road. Because it's him. No matter that hes been married to #4 for 3 months. I feel very ashamed of myself for having done this.
I was able to see my therapist for a few minutes and tell her about this. She said to stop beating myself up about it. I'd done it. It was over. I found out what I wanted to know. I wasn't planning to do the things or have the conversation with him again. Maybe this finally proves to e that he has not changed. That #4 did not get the improved version--in any way.
I know I'm going straight to hell for this...I hope Karma cuts e some slack, though...
Replies
Okay so you did something you shouldn\'t have. I think all of us have done something we shouldn\'t have. Don\'t start beating yourself up over it. Just go back to no contact. You did find out something you didn\'t know. He\'s a jerk and he hasn\'t changed. There will probably be a no 5 and then a 6 in his life. You don\'t want to go back there.
I have gone back to NC. I really did think she was getting a new and improved version. n every area of his life he is reverting back to the same old patterns as always,
maybe find some new people to hang out with Jaclyn, that way you will be too busy to even think about him any more...
we all make relationship mistakes, i know i have made many...i know that i want to be in a good one, where i am loved and cherished and can return those feelings, i hope it happens one day....
Jackie, you realised what you did was wrong, so now just let it go. Nothing will be served by beating yourself up about it. If anything it really proved to you that your ex is still a MAJOR JERK and so hopefully you can stop fantasizing about him being any different. Hopefully this is what you needed to give you the push to really move forward to a new and better life without him. He is a sick man and will always be a sick man, and so good riddance to bad rubbish! You deserve so much better than that!
I think so. No matter how I feel about him or he feels about me...in addition to everything else, we simply are not good for each other.