3/12/2014
Finally able to go back to work today after being off 6 days because of depression. A bit anxious cause have not been working in this department long. I think they were not happy with me, especially when I had to leave for my counseling first thing...but I really needed to go today. Anyway, I worked extra hard the rest of the time and I think it was all okay by the end of the day.
My counselor worried about me because of the latest things, including having to give up my dog. I would say "she's better off over there." and she would say "O.k. but what about you?" I told her I just don't know. I feel like my legs have been kicked out from under me. I don't know the road i'm on or where it's taking me.
We talked about Rick and his plan to retire in 1.5 years and start his own business. his talk about maybe moving after he retires. About this being the recurring pattern in his life-but that #4 doesnt know that. About his panic/anxiety attacks and health probs this last year. That he can't blame it on me this time, so he's back to blaming it on his job. The same job he used to consider his perfect job. The stupidity of retiring at 60 when he isn't even close to having the kind of money he will need, etc...
We talked about the possibility of me committing to a 72 hour or more voluntary inpatient treatment thing. I'm not gonna do it. She gave me her card with her home phone and cell on it..to call her at any time...
When I was at my lowest the last couple weeks, there was always someone checking up on me via Facebook. My friends keep on pulling me back from the brink. Right now the discussion is about what kind of "kink" I have in my sex life because they think everyone has one (a kink). Ok, you had to be there. haha. Just a bunch of very irreverent broads. Think YaYas meet Steel Magnolias...
Anyway, doing better today. and have made plans for the weekend.
My counselor worried about me because of the latest things, including having to give up my dog. I would say "she's better off over there." and she would say "O.k. but what about you?" I told her I just don't know. I feel like my legs have been kicked out from under me. I don't know the road i'm on or where it's taking me.
We talked about Rick and his plan to retire in 1.5 years and start his own business. his talk about maybe moving after he retires. About this being the recurring pattern in his life-but that #4 doesnt know that. About his panic/anxiety attacks and health probs this last year. That he can't blame it on me this time, so he's back to blaming it on his job. The same job he used to consider his perfect job. The stupidity of retiring at 60 when he isn't even close to having the kind of money he will need, etc...
We talked about the possibility of me committing to a 72 hour or more voluntary inpatient treatment thing. I'm not gonna do it. She gave me her card with her home phone and cell on it..to call her at any time...
When I was at my lowest the last couple weeks, there was always someone checking up on me via Facebook. My friends keep on pulling me back from the brink. Right now the discussion is about what kind of "kink" I have in my sex life because they think everyone has one (a kink). Ok, you had to be there. haha. Just a bunch of very irreverent broads. Think YaYas meet Steel Magnolias...
Anyway, doing better today. and have made plans for the weekend.
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