2nd May - In which I get upset and try to talk

My dearest Kitty,                     I've just had a shower and woken up properly. I'm tired, but that's the least of my worries at the moment. I've been talking to Tom a lot recently, actually, and he wants to help.                     Referring to my last entry, I said how people never understand. But Tom does (as do Freya and Fraser). And he says I can talk to him if I want. And I DO want. But, as I told him last night, I can't. I 'close up' and don't say anything. It's all starting to get on top of me, Kitty, and it's hard. It's getting harder every day. I really, really do want to talk to someone, and, for once, I think I ought to as well. This is being entirely selfish, I know. I should be worrying about and helping other people - like my friends - and not wondering whether I should go and get help for myself.                     So I'm going to go and carry on planning for tomorrow and to try and look happy today. I propbably haven't told you, but because Tom's been upset recently, we're throwing him an 'unbirthday party' to cheer him up. It's tomorrow, and I've to make sandwiches and things like that. Hopefully it'll cheer him up a bit.                     There's only one other thing, to finish on a less happy note. Last night, 'it' happened again, for the first time in a long time. It's not visible because I was trying so hard to hold off for other people, but I kind of...well, deliberately walked into the wall a few times. Backwards. So now I've got a headache, but that's my own fault. I'll go and get a paracetemol from Matron later.                     I'll go now. I'll write later and tell you how 'Swing's the Thing' went. Oh, I forgot to mention that in my last letter, I think. Basically, it's a really big swing night that's on tonight, and I'm really looking forward to it. I've got a new dress and my first pair of heels. It's really exciting.            I'll write more soon when I've cheered up a bit more and so I don't depress you quite so much.          Forever yours,                       Francesca