2nd FET Results in Another BFN

I tossed and turned all night long anticipating and wondering if I should POAS this morning and so I did it and was not shocked in the least bit when I saw only one line telling me another BIG F*&^ING NEGATIVE. Yeah, big fat negative AGAIN. I kinda expected it but of course it still hurts. And yeah, I know it might be too early and beta on Saturday might surprise me with a BFP, but I'm really pretty sure here that's not going to happen. This makes 2 failed IVF cycles, 3 failed IUIs and countless other BFNs from just TTC naturally. I'm really starting to wonder if this is just not meant to be for us, pregnancy and having a child just might not be in the cards. I might need to rethink my life and find a new purpose for how to find fulfillment without being a Mother. Even as I type that I cannot accept or fathom that but I might not have a choice. Insurance will give us one more try and then game over. Feeling very very let down and sad. It just was not supposed to be like this, not for any of us! And to make things worse, my bff called this morning and although she means well, she really doesn't get it. Two very close friends this week who usually are very sensitive decided to tell me all about their kids' latest acheivements after I poured my heart out about how upset I am that IVF doesn't seem to be working for us. Why is it so hard for the world to be sensitive to infertility??? I mean, would you sit there and brag about how you are so healthy and fit to a person undergoing chemotherapy for cancer?!?!
Anyway, as always, thanks for your support. I swear I don't know where I'd be without you lovely ladies. I would be so much more lost and isolated than I already feel.....my gratitude for finding DS is unbelieveably huge. xoxoxo

Replies

alanabanana
alanabanana

I am so so sorry. I am hoping its just too early, I hate those damn pee sticks. I\'m sending you a big hug.
As for the world not understanding and not being sensitive, I agree 100% with you. No one but those who have been through it understand and people don\'t look at infertility the way they do other illnesses. And infertility is an illness and deserves to be treated that way.
I am so sorry for the pee stick, still holding out hope for you,
ANB0417
ANB0417

I am so sorry to hear :( I know it is so discouraging but I know you will be a mommy, some way or some how! I\'m right with you- I read somewhere that the stress/depression a woman goes through with infertility amounts to the same as that of a cancer patient. But because it\'s not considered a \"medical condition\", no one accepts just how much you suffer. I\'m so sorry!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m sorry that this cycle doesn\'t seem to have worked. You\'re right to say it\'s still a bit early, and I hope Saturday brings better news.
I get where you\'re coming from with needing to reevaluate life. When DH an I decided to so that, and ending ttc, we realized being parents and having a family was more important than me being pregnant. It was insanely hard, but I am finally happy with our decision.

I sorry that you\'re struggling with this. I would never wish this pain on anyone and I am SOOOO happy that you have DS. No matter how sensitive my friends/family are, someone always still manages to hit me where it hurts the most like you described above.

HUGS
Kelly0713
Kelly0713

i am so sorry honey. this stinks. give yourself some time before you reevaluate life to recover from this blow. I would also encourage you to separate your ability to get pregnant from your ability to have a family. Why rule out adoption, donor eggs etc? If you want to be a mom you can be one one way or another. I\'m sorry your friends can\'t get it, but I can imagine that their babies are their world and it\'s all they know how to talk about because that\'s how I felt about ttc while it was consuming my life. Big big hug. :(
LMWT
LMWT

I am so sorry hun! It does not help at all that your friends just do not get it and are not offering the support you need right now!

I would say to A) wait until your beta and B) see what your Dr says before reevaluating life and your path to becoming a mom.

Sending you big hugs and lots of love!
Andi60857
Andi60857

I\'m so sorry it is a BFN, really praying that changes on Saturday! I hope you take some time to figure what is best, there are so many options to becoming a mother! Thinking of you, xo
ktk7779413
ktk7779413

Damn it! I was hoping for great news from you. It\'s just not fair. I understand you feeling discouraged. It\'s hard not to question why these things happen to us. I am learning from the ladies on here though, that our journey some times changes but if we really have it in our hearts to be parents, we will find a way. I pray that your Beta says otherwise. Thinking of you. xoxo
SoMuchHoping
SoMuchHoping

I too hope Saturday brings better news and that it happened to be just too early to test. I am thinking of you a lot.

You came up with such a good analogy...about how a person wouldn\'t brag about their good health to someone who is going through chemo. So true.
I have no idea what goes through people\'s minds. So many people need a course on sensitivity. I encounter this a lot in my life...not just with the TTC journey but lots of other topics....so many people just don\'t have the capacity to understand the depth of some of life\'s greatest experiences.

I have a \"friend\" who didn\'t write me back until a week later after I emailed her about my loss in December. And the first several paragraphs of her email were about how her kids have had strep and how busy she has been and THEN she said oh I\'m sorry for your loss.

It felt like such an afterthought.

I agree..thank God for DS. For women who truly understand.

I am still holding out hope for you. I wish you much comfort, peace, and strength.....and more sensitivity from others.
Jat092311
Jat092311

I\'m so sorry {HUGS}. I really hope that your beta says otherwise....thinking of you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I also hope Saturday brings better news. I\"m so sorry you are feeling this way and that your friends are not sensitive. Unfortunately that is all too freaking common. Big hug and really hoping for good news on Saturday!
krjohnson1980
krjohnson1980

I\'m so sorry that you got BFN....I hate that stupid one line! I know how you feel, I\'ve been depressed for a week after my second failed IUI. Just know you have friends here that understand you and that have so much empathy for you. ((HUGS))
CaliCutie81
CaliCutie81

Frick!!! I hate those stupid pee tests, I hate their 1 lines and I hate IF. Its just not fair and I am praying that your Beta says otherwise, but if not don\'t give up hope just yet, you still have 1 more cycle before you have change gears. Sending you lots of hugs!
whimsicalfool
whimsicalfool

I\'m sorry you\'re not feeling supported by your friends, and that you\'re feeling very discouraged right now. I\'m still going to cross my fingers and say PUPO by the beta. Hang in there!
Nellysgirl
Nellysgirl

I too am really rooting for your beta to say something different, although I know how you\'re feeling after already seeing that damn negative pee stick. I\'m always quick to tell others not to do it, but then i\'m doing it ever few days. But seriously, they are the devil! Since you\'re already in the negative mindset, start pampering yourself early. This will either give you a head start in feeling better, or make your BFP so much better. Hugs and i\'m rooting for you!
kevsgirl9797
kevsgirl9797

So sorry, hon. I too hope that your beta surprises you. Sorry that your friends aren\'t more sensitive, but I\'ve come to understand that if you haven\'t gone through it, then you just don\'t get it. No one else gets it but us. Luckily, we have each other. Hugs to you.