Sad

I want to try to write in here to ease the turmoil in my head and soul but I cry every time I try then my head hurts  so I don't journal. Life for me right now is so bad. I never feel happy it wears me out to pretend in front of the grand kids that I have been avoiding them. I cry all of the time I am alone. I live alone with my dogs and except for work I hate leaving the house. I make myself walk and go see everyone but I am miserable and cant wait to get home then when I get here I am lonely. I am lonely for my husband and my life with him don't like my life, where I live or almost anything about my life. I need to figure this out but I do not know where to start.