Been awhile...
WOW, I can't believe I haven't journaled since 2/13/13. A lot has been happening, of course I made it through my year of firsts, realize I'm still counting and probably always will. But I have leaned so much in my almost 14 months since the loss of my Gregor. I actually look back at some journaling since day one and can't believe I made it... I smile now, I see light where there was once darkness. I missed spring last year, couldn't even tell what I did those first months? But now I see the flowers, I hear the birds, just as I'm sure Greg would want me too. But I have learned to notice the signs, Greg leaves me and I have to thank a lot of the Moms on here. I also keep a journal now of those, can't believe how big it's getting… keep up the good work Gregor. :)
I found a wonderful support system, Walking for Wellness, which led me to a wonderful new church, Pastor and grief group, that truly has changed my life.
I had a rough Feb, not just because it was ending my first year, but my dad had a heart attach and was in the hospital for 2 weeks, he's doing GREAT, his 86th birthday is tomorrow. he had a stint put in as he had 98% blockage. I was my Moms caretaker driver any thing else she needed, stressed beyond anything I could have imagined. But found out she is starting early signs of Dementia. But she is on medicine and I see an improvement. I wasn't sure I was going to make it, I got really sick, being around her as she smokes 2 packs a day, but prayed for strength and even after she said one time "this is 10 times worse than when you lost Greg", I couldn't believe my ears, but God gave me the words to tell her what I thought and the strength to continue… but enough on that. :)
I still of course think about and miss you every day Greg, but I know you would want me to continue living and trying to help others through their addiction, I'm trying and hope you are proud of your Mum.
I thank you all here to for always being here for me and some of you are my Facebook friends. I draw my strength for you all and God. Thank you for that. I never thought 14 months later I would be in a 'good' place, learning every day what my new normal is. LOVE my SOTH!
Julie (Greg's Mum and I wouldn't have it any other way)
I found a wonderful support system, Walking for Wellness, which led me to a wonderful new church, Pastor and grief group, that truly has changed my life.
I had a rough Feb, not just because it was ending my first year, but my dad had a heart attach and was in the hospital for 2 weeks, he's doing GREAT, his 86th birthday is tomorrow. he had a stint put in as he had 98% blockage. I was my Moms caretaker driver any thing else she needed, stressed beyond anything I could have imagined. But found out she is starting early signs of Dementia. But she is on medicine and I see an improvement. I wasn't sure I was going to make it, I got really sick, being around her as she smokes 2 packs a day, but prayed for strength and even after she said one time "this is 10 times worse than when you lost Greg", I couldn't believe my ears, but God gave me the words to tell her what I thought and the strength to continue… but enough on that. :)
I still of course think about and miss you every day Greg, but I know you would want me to continue living and trying to help others through their addiction, I'm trying and hope you are proud of your Mum.
I thank you all here to for always being here for me and some of you are my Facebook friends. I draw my strength for you all and God. Thank you for that. I never thought 14 months later I would be in a 'good' place, learning every day what my new normal is. LOVE my SOTH!
Julie (Greg's Mum and I wouldn't have it any other way)
Replies
So happy you are progressing down the journey...I think you are doing extremely well. I glad you have a lot of positives in your life. We all progress at our own pace and it lifts my heart when I see someone doing it earlier than I did. I didn\'t get to your point until my third year...Much love, Connie
Thanks Connie.
Thank you so much for sharing your progress and where you are now. It\'s been only 4 months since my only child, Jennifer died and I need to know I will slowly but surely I will progress too. So, thank you!
I truly didn\'t think I would be here 14 months later. I believe it is Faith, that is helping me. I\'m sorry for the loss if your daughter Jennifer. I still have bad days, but I have to continue to lean into my grief. I opened my heart, continue to look for those signs. Also journaling, really helped me. Even if it was to say today sucks! Again HUGS!
Hi Julie! Thanks for the update!
This is such a beautifully uplifting journal!!!!
I love...... \" I smile now, I see light where there was once darkness. I missed spring last year, couldn\'t even tell what I did those first months? But now I see the flowers, I hear the birds...\"
You are embracing LIFE again and in a big way my friend!! Reaching far beyond your own hurt, and into the hurt and hearts of other moms (and dads) who WALK for heroin awareness and education.
YES! Your Gregor is VERY proud of his mum!!! And so are we!
Much love energy and many prayers for your parents~~
Love to you!
Love to Greg!
What an uplifting journal, Julie. I am happy that you checked in with us. There was light at the end of the tunnel, wasn\'t there? I didn\'t believe it but I got there.
Peace.
Julie, so happy to hear you are healing and embracing the signs Greg sends you.
My faith has truly helped me heal and to know that although it\'s hard to live right now without our boys this is only temporal. The eternal is coming and our reunion with our boys is on the horizon. Much love to you and Greg, Linda