Just thinking...
Just sitting here, asking why, what if, what more, could I have, etc…
Freaking a little, because a year ago today is when the HWY patrol came and knocked on my door to ask me if I was related to a Greg Hottman, i said yes he is my son and that's when they told me, that the police in Corpus Christi TX had been trying to get hold of me to let me know my son was found in an alley a block from the rehab center he had just been released from and had died from a Heroin overdose… :(
I sit here, heavy hearted, have had a bad day a bad weekend a bad week a bad month and bad year. I'm still upset that no one in my family is even aware that it's been a year,do they even care? I know they don't or maybe they just don't' know what to say? Who am I kidding...
I some times still can't believe it's been a year? If I could go back in time? But I know i can't… But just to have one more moment with your child, what I wouldn't give… So I sit here, thankful I can talk to you Moms and know 'we' are all at some time or another feeling this same way.
Deep breathe, kisses from my little shih tzu Penny, funny how she knows when Mommy is sad.
But I did smile this morning only because my Gregor was with me yet again. I had to go get a tire replaced and sat down to wait and what do I see on the table with all of he magazines? But a children's book, Clifford the big red dog. Greg had reddish golden, who he brought home one day instead of money for plane ticket for vacation and it was LOVE at first site, he just smiled and said, come on Mum, how can you not love him? But what should I call him? We were standing on the porch, he was SMILING and the pup was just looking at him and Greg said, I know CLIFFORD, from my favorite books as a kid, cause he's kid of red, you're not mad or you Mum? How can you be mad at that kind of love?
Love you son, I know you're watching your Mum, I know you're playing with our old golden Tucker, Pixie and Pumkin, I know you've got my back.
Greg's Mum, Julie
Freaking a little, because a year ago today is when the HWY patrol came and knocked on my door to ask me if I was related to a Greg Hottman, i said yes he is my son and that's when they told me, that the police in Corpus Christi TX had been trying to get hold of me to let me know my son was found in an alley a block from the rehab center he had just been released from and had died from a Heroin overdose… :(
I sit here, heavy hearted, have had a bad day a bad weekend a bad week a bad month and bad year. I'm still upset that no one in my family is even aware that it's been a year,do they even care? I know they don't or maybe they just don't' know what to say? Who am I kidding...
I some times still can't believe it's been a year? If I could go back in time? But I know i can't… But just to have one more moment with your child, what I wouldn't give… So I sit here, thankful I can talk to you Moms and know 'we' are all at some time or another feeling this same way.
Deep breathe, kisses from my little shih tzu Penny, funny how she knows when Mommy is sad.
But I did smile this morning only because my Gregor was with me yet again. I had to go get a tire replaced and sat down to wait and what do I see on the table with all of he magazines? But a children's book, Clifford the big red dog. Greg had reddish golden, who he brought home one day instead of money for plane ticket for vacation and it was LOVE at first site, he just smiled and said, come on Mum, how can you not love him? But what should I call him? We were standing on the porch, he was SMILING and the pup was just looking at him and Greg said, I know CLIFFORD, from my favorite books as a kid, cause he's kid of red, you're not mad or you Mum? How can you be mad at that kind of love?
Love you son, I know you're watching your Mum, I know you're playing with our old golden Tucker, Pixie and Pumkin, I know you've got my back.
Greg's Mum, Julie
Replies
My heart is shattered as wellloss and so get the bad moments that lead up to the first anniversary. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs and prayers for you and Greg.
Ditto.
Julie, for me, it was a telephone call. Michael overdosed on a bathroom floor and was DOA at the hospital. I sometimes think how wonderful it would be to have one more hour, one more hug...but I know it would never be enough. Love to you and to your Penny. I like your photos of the Goldens...I cannot believe that the one lived to age 17!
Peace.
a year is a long time,,, tis a short time,,,, love ya!
These are feelings and thoughts that I know I cycle through as well so I\'m with you. They are painful and make my heart and brain hurt so I try to not remain \"there\" for long, yet when I do need to go \"there\" that is where I am for as long as I need to be.
Loving care as you ride this wild wave of grief and I too look to my fur babies as incredible healers. They do know, don\'t they...
Hoping today is one that has a few gentle moments in the midst.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) and so much understanding,
XO Joanie
I know the feeling, as well, Julie. I dread my first anniversary coming up. I get so frustrated because I feel like I haven\'t been able to grieve for my son and I\'m so afraid that it\'s all going to come crashing down on me. Between losing my son and then having all these wrecks and dealing with not only emotional pain, but physical pain, I feel like I\'m losing my mind. But, like you, I come here and find the support that I so desperately need.
Praying for you to have a little peace today. You know Greg is looking down on you and you have your sweet Penny to comfort you.
Hugs, my friend!
Penny
Thanks y\'all, going to be a better day today, sending each and every one of you HUGS!
Tight hugs and much love to you and Greg, Linda
Sending you some prayers and for strength for these hard times. I ad a bd day today my self I happened to look a t my duaghters picture picked it up and just looked at it and started crying, I still afer all these years 10. that I can look at her picture and just can,t believe she is not her no more. This grief journey is a long hard road to get up. Bless your angel hugs and love MaryAnn.
Oh Julie, I just want to give you tight hugs to help fill the emptiness of your family not being supportive! It breaks my heart that they are so \"in the dark without a clue.\" Hug that fur baby, it is so healing.
I have been sick and one of my fur babies has been smelling my breath, NOT after eating but being a \"Dr. Penny.\" I have three and they all reach out in different ways.
Much love,
Leda