Things have been quite complicated to say the least. I keep getting back into my funk, where I feel worthless, a failure, alone, and like the world would be better without me. But the thing is I'm not alone anymore. I have real friends, who are there for me when I need them. Friends who don't ditch me to be with other cooler people when something else comes up. People who ask about me when I disappear, who care if I'm fucked up or if I'm feeling down. I have a friend who volunteered to go with me to a doctor when I needed help. I've never had that before. 
I'm beginning to realize how lucky I am. I am blessed. I am no where near where I used to be. For the first time in my life, I'm not completely alone. I don't think my friend actually realizes how much her friendship changed things for me, but I do. And I realized today that although I feel like shit constantly, i have a friend, I'm not alone.