So it's been a while, not because I haven't needed it but because I didn't know what to say anymore.. I feel like I'm always repeating myself it's stupid and useless. I've had a rocky month, I had this huge fight with this girl cause she's been talking shit about me and telling people about my surgery when I told her not to when she found out because I set my mind on not telling people. I didn't want her to know but she saw my scars by accident and put things together. So that was way too much drama for me, I already don't have that many friends and to know that one of those people is skrewing me over pissed me off so much.
My internship isn't what I hoped. I'm supposedly working with the United Nations and that sounded so awesome to me when I got it, but now that I'm there it kind of sucks. I'm not doing anything, bored and and it's not worth waking up every morning and being there from 8 am while I'm supposedly fasting. I want to quit and sleep and try to enjoy the summer but I made a commitment and that matters to me to be honest.
I'm getting the urge to cut so much lately. Even more than it used to. I expected it with time to lessen not get worse, I really need it to ease up 'cause I kind of don't have someone to talk to about this and I'm afraid of relapsing but I feel like can't help it sometimes I just want to cut. I was about to cut two days ago, thankfully my aunt entered the room before I did, she didn't suspect anything of course because it's not something they would think I would do. No one in my family or even in this part of the world would consider people cutting it's like wtf are you thinking kind of thing and it isn't something they think something that anyone would do. A part of me is glad that she came in and stopped me but a part of me wished she hadn't come in and let me cut. I don't know what I want any more. It sucks. Ughhhh!
I'm losing weight, over 55 pounds since the surgery. That's one of the very few good things happening in my life at the moment. I really believe that it was the best decision I've made in my entire life.
My internship isn't what I hoped. I'm supposedly working with the United Nations and that sounded so awesome to me when I got it, but now that I'm there it kind of sucks. I'm not doing anything, bored and and it's not worth waking up every morning and being there from 8 am while I'm supposedly fasting. I want to quit and sleep and try to enjoy the summer but I made a commitment and that matters to me to be honest.
I'm getting the urge to cut so much lately. Even more than it used to. I expected it with time to lessen not get worse, I really need it to ease up 'cause I kind of don't have someone to talk to about this and I'm afraid of relapsing but I feel like can't help it sometimes I just want to cut. I was about to cut two days ago, thankfully my aunt entered the room before I did, she didn't suspect anything of course because it's not something they would think I would do. No one in my family or even in this part of the world would consider people cutting it's like wtf are you thinking kind of thing and it isn't something they think something that anyone would do. A part of me is glad that she came in and stopped me but a part of me wished she hadn't come in and let me cut. I don't know what I want any more. It sucks. Ughhhh!
I'm losing weight, over 55 pounds since the surgery. That's one of the very few good things happening in my life at the moment. I really believe that it was the best decision I've made in my entire life.
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