Update

Here I am once again. Day 4 this time. I am so determined to not do this again. This constant HELL that my life has become. I absolutely believe that I deserve better and that there's better days ahead. All I have to do is stay away from the casinos forever. I hate them and that I've let them almost destroy everything I am, everything I have, everything  I've worked so hard for. I know the damn casino is not going to ever let me live the kind of life I long for. I want peace in my life, the knowledge to keep me on the right path. I want self esteem again, and to not have to lie about where I am, what I'm doing. I want my life back!!!! I have been working on my water garden, my flowers, planting seeds, etc. I cant even afford a pond pump or garden soil right now. My husband and I have to make one last trip to Miami OK where all the casinos are on his next payday. I am dreading that. We ended up having to pay $800 on a bounced $250 check we already lost at the casino. The DA is making us bring it in person. So now today I am at the library frantically trying to find someone to give us a loan so we can have enough to make it til payday. We don't even have our fishing licenses yet and that used to be our favorite thing to do. Sad, huh?? I know that it gets better, and that life isn't easy or ever perfect no matter how much you want it to be. But Im here. For today, I will not gamble!!!