angry

Every day that goes by that I don't hear from Matt I grow more and more afraid that it's over. I feel like I've done something to push him over the edge and now he wont ever take me back.
I feel a bit resentful for all of this. I feel like I shouldn't have to go begging to be taken back. He should realize that I am making just as big a sacrifice and taking just as a big a risk by going back with him. Doesn't he see that?
I know that he doesn't. It all just hurts so damn much. I don't want to guilt him into taking my back though. I need him to want me and need me. I just don't understand why he doesn't. I am awesome. Yes I cheated on him, but he didn't have sex with me for over a year. I mean, what did he expect? Even from the beginning he didn't want to have sex with me. I just don't understand. Would he rather that I had broken up with him and left him? It's not as though we didn't talk about this a hundred times over the years. I flat out told him that if we didn't have sex I was going to do it with other people. I don't get it.
He has a right to be angry. I'm not saying that he doesn't have a right to be angry. I just don't understand how he can keep my hanging like this.
He should be begging ME to come home.