Stuck
It's been a month and a few days since my anxiety started. I realize that a month is not a very long time, but for me it feels like a long time. The prospect that it's not over yet is also daunting. I woke up early this morning because my husband gets up early for work. I felt alright when I woke up because he was there. When I woke up later in the morning when it was time for me to get up, before I opened my eyes I felt a rush of anxiety in my chest. It made me not want to get out of bed.
I prayed, and that improved my mood a little bit and I forced myself to get out of bed and to start my day. Yesterday was similar in that the beginning part of the day was filled with a lot of anxiety. The first two - three hours of the day are the hardest for me to over come and I'm not sure why.
I just wish I could go back to being the way that I was before all of this happened. I used to be so optimistic. I used to be so excited for the future. I used to be so positive and up beat, even when bad things were happening I was usually able to look past them and see the silver lining. For some reason I can't do that with this.
Some days are better than others, but most days are just okay. I've had one day this past month that I really felt like was an awesome day where I was totally myself again and everything was wonderful and I didn't think about my anxiety at all. The idea that I'll only have 12 days a year where I feel that way is just so upsetting.
Part of me wants to take medication because I feel like it could help to stabilize my mood. Most of me feels like that's some sort of admission of defeat. That I can't do it on my own. And maybe I can't do it on my own.
I'm still staying up too late at night. I didn't get to sleep until 1 am last night. I got out of bed a little after 8 am. I really need to try to go to bed before midnight. It's just so hard when you lie down and your eyes are tired but your brain is racing and you can't shut it off.
I have another therapy session today and we'll see how it goes and how I feel after it's over. I'm very tired today and feel as though I may need a nap later. I've never liked taking naps before but if it will help me to feel better than I will take one.
I prayed, and that improved my mood a little bit and I forced myself to get out of bed and to start my day. Yesterday was similar in that the beginning part of the day was filled with a lot of anxiety. The first two - three hours of the day are the hardest for me to over come and I'm not sure why.
I just wish I could go back to being the way that I was before all of this happened. I used to be so optimistic. I used to be so excited for the future. I used to be so positive and up beat, even when bad things were happening I was usually able to look past them and see the silver lining. For some reason I can't do that with this.
Some days are better than others, but most days are just okay. I've had one day this past month that I really felt like was an awesome day where I was totally myself again and everything was wonderful and I didn't think about my anxiety at all. The idea that I'll only have 12 days a year where I feel that way is just so upsetting.
Part of me wants to take medication because I feel like it could help to stabilize my mood. Most of me feels like that's some sort of admission of defeat. That I can't do it on my own. And maybe I can't do it on my own.
I'm still staying up too late at night. I didn't get to sleep until 1 am last night. I got out of bed a little after 8 am. I really need to try to go to bed before midnight. It's just so hard when you lie down and your eyes are tired but your brain is racing and you can't shut it off.
I have another therapy session today and we'll see how it goes and how I feel after it's over. I'm very tired today and feel as though I may need a nap later. I've never liked taking naps before but if it will help me to feel better than I will take one.
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